My husband and I had the fabulous opportunity to see Brian Regan at Tuacahn, in St. George, Utah last week. Brian Regan has been a favorite comedian of ours for some time, and we loved seeing him live. Of course, I can’t make it nearly as entertain for you, but here’s my list of Brian Regan’s top ten jokes from that night:

10 ~ Trying to want to read a book.

Apparently, Brian isn’t the biggest fan of books. He joked about how he would get himself settled into bed, the covers just right, the pillows propping his head perfectly, and the lamp on. His book would be in his hands, and yet, he’d just end up staring at the ceiling until he went to sleep. I had to mention this since books are my life! (My livelihood as well as my passion.)

9 ~ Guns

This whole section was hilarious, but the part I’m going to highlight is how Brian said he didn’t understand the difference between an assault rifle, and a non-assault rifle. If I tried to repeat his jokes in this segment, they would fall flat. You should try to find him talking about guns on YouTube and watch it. Regan goes into some fast paced talking as he imitates someone listing the differences between the two. He was so good at it! I’m positive I would have been tongue-tied if I’d tried to say the same thing just as fast.

8 ~ The word hair.

Very short joke, but it made it on my list because, as a writer, I love to make fun of the English language and all of its rules. So, Brian talked about how you can have one hair, multiple hairs, or a head full of hair. The tenses used for the word hair seem to be contrary.

7 ~ Food combinations.

Regan spoke about how he’s trying to lose weight. When he mentioned it to a friend, the buddy’s wife jumped in with advice about food combinations. “To lose weight, you just need to combine the right foods. For instance, spaghetti and meatballs are not a good combination and won’t help you lose weight. But if you combine plankton and lemon peel, that will help you to lose the weight.” LOL! Maybe this one struck a chord for me since I’m constantly trying to diet. Brian said that his response was to go out and buy doughnuts. (The trick is to not combine the doughnut with anything else!)

6 ~ The word spree.

(Another word joke!) Regan stated that the word spree is only used in two actions: a shopping spree, or a killing spree. So if someone says they’re going out for a spree, you may want to clarify exactly which kind of spree they’re referring to. 😉

5 ~ Negative campaigning.

You can probably guess what he said about this, but it was hilarious to listen to!

4 ~ Reward cards

Ever get sick of people asking you if you have a rewards card when you’re trying to buy from their store? I know I am, and it sounds like Brian is, too.

3 ~ Dancing

Regan speculated on how dancing came about in the first place. Were the cave men just tired of standing around, and so they started pushing each other in the middle of a circle to move about and entertain others?

2~ Shadow polo

This is my favorite, but what makes it so funny is to see Brian showing you his shadow boxing and shadow polo. He was making fun of how some men try to greet him at parties because it looks like they’re shadow dancing up to him or something. So he reciprocates with shadow polo or boxing.

Now for the number one joke! You ready?

…

1 ~ Top Ten

Brian made a joke about how all you have to do to make your article or blog popular is by writing up a top ten of… well, anything. So I decided to write a top ten of his jokes. Brian, I have taken the challenge!

What are some of your favorite jokes? Whether they be by Brian Regan or another comedian?

photo credit: Malingering via photopin cc

Last weekend was when the highly anticipated movie, Iron Man 3 released. I normally don’t go to movies opening weekends, or even opening months, but my husband and I already had a babysitter and decided to see what the fuss was all about.

So far, I’ve enjoyed all the Marvel movies based on superheroes that form the team called The Avengers. Most of them have been well cast and superbly directed. This includes Iron Man and Iron Man 2. After the big movie, The Avengers, came out last year, I thought that would be it. After all, how can you top all of the heroes learning to work together to save the world from annihilation? So when I sat down to watch Iron Man 3, I was wondering if I was wasting my money.

But I was pleasantly surprised. Iron Man 3 had the same great actors (which always helps with sequels!) who did a fantastic job of portraying their characters. Robert Downy Jr. has simply nailed Tony Stark. While the character has made some great development in the last three movies (I’m including Avengers, in case you’re thinking my counting is off here), there was room for more in Iron Man 3. Tony Stark had some realistic anxiety issues as he’s learned that he’s not invincible. He and Pepper continue to try and work things out, though there are definitely some obstacles in their relationship.

What struck me about this particular movie was that it was more funny than the other ones. It seems to me that the comedy of Iron Man is arcing up – in a good way. The action sequences were phenomenal. Again, I was thinking  what more can they do? But the movie displayed new and unique fighting scenes. My personal favorite was the part where Stark only had parts of his suit to combat with. If you’ve seen it, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Very well done!

The only plot hole that I could find was somewhat minor (thought the writer in me still wants some questions answered!) but I think it’s not too noticeable to most viewers. I don’t want to expound because I’d hate to give a spoiler, but if you want to have a discussion about it, feel free to comment on this post. 🙂

I understand a new director did this movie, Shane Black. Of course, we all know Shane Black for filming wonderful action flicks, like Lethal Weapon. He certainly added his talented flair to Iron Man 3.

So if you’ve seen the Twitter and Facebook posts, you’ll know that a lot of people have said how much they loved this movie. I’m going to have to add to the general consensus on this one. Iron Man 3 is my favorite of all the Iron Man movies. I definitely think it’s worth seeing, and we’ll probably buy it when it comes out on Blu-ray.

 

There are certain stories we’ve heard since we were kids. Cinderella and her missing shoe, Rapunzel and her miles-long hair, Jack and his beanstalk…most of us can recite the basic plot points in our sleep. Even if you stretch the action out, give the characters exciting new haircuts and special effects, the tales themselves remain as predictable as clockwork. It takes more than a fresh coat of paint to make an old story into something new.

But that doesn’t mean it can’t be done. You just have to stop taking things for granted.

Take “Jack and the Beanstalk,” for example. The title insists that there be a beanstalk and someone named Jack, and you probably can’t avoid getting a giant involved somehow. You can even keep the magic beans, if you want to.
But why on earth does Jack always have to get them by being an idiot? It’s only tradition that insists he gets the magic beans in a terrible deal for his family’s last sellable animal, and frankly it’s the kind of idiot decision that makes a protagonist hard to like. Why not give him responsibility for the beans as part of a sacred trust? Or maybe magic beans aren’t nearly as rare as everyone thinks, and it was easy to get a hold of them. It’s what he does with them that makes the story interesting.

Or try Snow White. A dozen different authors have given perfectly valid reasons for why the queen hates Snow White, but what would happen if she didn’t hate the girl? What if someone else made Snow White fall asleep? Or, to take things a different direction, what if there was a perfectly good reason why she had to fall asleep? There are any number of perfectly valid ways a nicely timed magical coma could save a girl’s life.
These are only a few possibilities. Old stories aren’t like stones – they’re like Legos, or Tinker Toys, able to be taken apart and put back together in thousands of different combinations. The old constructions were fantastic – they’d have to be, to last this long – but they’ve already been told. Use the same pieces to build something brand new, something we’ve never seen before. There’s nothing stopping you but your imagination.
And maybe one day, your story will be the one everyone knows.

Jenniffer Wardell is the arts, entertainment and lifestyle reporter for the Davis Clipper. She’s the winner of several awards from the Utah Press Association and the Utah Headliners Chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists. She currently lives in Salt Lake City, Utah. She has an updated blog, is on Goodreads, Twitter, and Facebook. Look for her debut novel, Fairy Godmothers, Inc. on Amazon or Barnes&Noble online.

Mother’s Day is around the corner – 12th March – and now is the time to show your mom just how special she is to you. While a box of chocolates and flowers is easy, this does not really show any effort and will not earn you the extra ‘brownie’ points we so desire.

So what do you buy your mom on this special day? The trick to give a thoughtful gift is to give one close to your heart and something that she will love. Here are five crafty gifts to give your mom this Mother’s Day:

Homemade Candles

Instead of worrying about how to make a candle, buy a plain one and jazz the candle up a bit. Add decorative flowers, animals or candle paint to give your gift a unique look. Remember, the point is not to look like the hundreds of sample candles in the stores, but to create something that is unique to your mom.

If you are looking to create a candle from scratch, ensure that you incorporate all the things your mom loves the most – fragrance, size, shape and colour – into the design.

Food Basket

No women – or person for that matter – can say no to chocolate. Make your mom a unique gift food basket filled with all of her favourite homemade items. This gift basket can include: rusks, chocolates, brownies, shortbread and all the other yummy things she will enjoy nibbling on. Remember, to complete the basket, add a bunch of her favourite flowers and write a homemade card.

Bath Salts

Does your mom ensure a nice hot bath? Why not make her homemade bath salts and soups. Making homemade bath salt is easy, all you need to do is follow this step-by-step guide and again incorporate all the smells and colours that your mom loves.

Bead Necklace

Why not make your mom a nice beaded necklace. This is a fun and crafty activity that will keep you busy for hours and something nice for your mom to wear. Determine the style and size your mom would like and visit a local beading craft store. These beading stores have hundreds of different beads, pearls and other fun creations to add to your necklace. Remember to speak to the shop worker to find the right string and clasp, as the last thing you want is to have the necklace break.

Picture Frame

Make your mom a photo frame to put up in the living area. If you are not very good with tools, simply buy a plain photo frame and add your own touches to the frame. If you are making the photo frame, remember to measure the wood precisely, otherwise your end product will not line up. Once you have finished creating your photo frame, simply add a nice photo of the two of you and ensure that the backing is fastened to prevent the photo from slipping out of place.

Here are five unique can creative ways to spoil your mom this mother’s day. Remember, the important thing is to make something that she will like and cherish.

I am Greg Jones and I love my mother. I decided to make both my mom and wife –my kids are still too young to understand the significance of the date – plain frosted candles, each with their own unique design and fragrance.

Have you thought about what you are getting Mom for Mother’s day yet? Whether you have a bouquet of flowers lined up or a jewelry box waiting for her after she gets home from a day at the spa, why not start the day off right for her? The last thing she wants to do is wake up early to make breakfast like she does every other morning. Why not wake Mom up with homemade breakfast in bed? If you have little fingers, these breakfast in bed recipes are extra kid friendly, and super easy for you to make as well. Even if you aren’t much of a cook, and your kids are extra teeny, these three recipes can be made really quickly and painlessly!

Pancakes and bacon

My stepmom likes to whip up pancakes from scratch. More power to her, I could never do this. I am more along the lines of buying the pancake box and and adding in a bit of milk and butter and stirring it together for some insta-pancake goodness. Those instant pancake boxes are made for Mother’s Day breakfast in bed scenarios. All you have to do is add the ingredients and let your kiddos stir up the mixture. Then, place it on a griddle or even in a frying pan and let it sit for a few minute before flipping it over. While this is cooking, you can shove the bacon in the microwave for a few minutes and voila! Breakfast is served.

Berries, yogurt, and a hot cup of coffee

This one is so easy for your kids to help you with! All you have to do is grab some fruit, cut it up, and let your kiddos arrange it on a plate for Mom. If they are feeling extra helpful, you can let them spoon some yogurt into a small bowl on the side of her plate, too. To spice up your yogurt, sprinkle a few granola pieces on top. Now for the hard part: coffee. I know Mom usually makes the coffee, but you’re going to have to take the reigns on this one. Pour in a little cream and sugar. If you are extra thoughtful, you will already have Mom’s favorite cream in the fridge for this particular moment.

Waffles with a side of fruit

Waffles are so simple! That’s why they are the best invention ever. Take out the waffles in the freezer and just put them in the toaster. This is so easy, your kids can do it! The only hard part is making sure they don’t burn. Seriously. That’s the hardest part. Take them out of the toaster and put a thin layer of syrup on the top. And because Mom is probably a bit of health nut, or maybe she’s just on a health kick, cut up some fruit and place it either on the side of the dish or on top of the waffles. Blueberries, strawberries, and bananas are safe choices for this recipe. Put a little flower in a small vase and place it on a tray with her food. Now just bring the tray up to Mom!

About the author: Carly is a blogger for Smith Monitoring, a San Antonio home security company. She is always looking for easy recipes to make since the most cooking she does is opening a Chinese takeout menu.