Clerk: Sir, we got everything packaged and your total will be $16.76…

Patron: Oh I’m sorry. You must not know me. The names crime, and crime doesn’t pay.

2012 has come and gone, and throughout the year wouldn’t you know it, some dumb people did some stupid things. Things so stupid that it even warranted an article to be humorously written about them. So let’s not waste any time as 2013 has already begun, so without further ado, some of the dumbest criminals of 2013.

Unicycle Exhibitionist

(May 2012) Texas is known to produce a lot of unique things. Longhorn Steer, The Alamo, Dr. Pepper, all sorts of crazy things. But the latest addition of odd firsts would be a man by the name of 45-year-old Joseph Glynn Farley.

Mr. Farley had a dream, and for that dream he was arrested. His dream was to ride his unicycle across a public bridge naked in the town of Kemah. Police say they arrested him for distracting drivers and creating a public hazard. Police found his clothes at the bottom of the bridge, and Mr. Farley told them that he just liked the feeling of riding without his clothes.

Witnesses claimed that he had been falling off his unicycle and into traffic. However, no drugs or alcohol seemed to be in his system. So it would appear this bright conclusion solely came from his being simply high on life. I’m sure Mr. Farley was right on one point though, it probably does feel better to ride without clothes.

You Can’t Have Your Counterfeit And Eat It Too

(September 2012) At Darien Lake Theme Park in New York, police were called in when a man was reported of using counterfeit money to purchase food with. The 35-year-old man had reportedly bought some French Fries with a fake $50 bill.

When police approached him inside the theme park, the man attempted to shove another 5 counterfeit bills into his mouth to swallow them. He was unable to swallow them all however, and when asked where he received the fakes, he said they had been given to him as payment for a remodeling job. Goes to show, crime doesn’t pay. Even when you pay yourself.

Sometimes You Just Have To Say Goodbye

(January 2012) Some things are just too good to give up. In Flagstaff Arizona, a man was arrested while in jail for refusing to leave. 44-year-old Martin Batieni Kombate refused to leave jail after he was released, and police had no option but to arrest him…. Again.

Mr. Kombate’s reason was that he could not find his wallet and was not going to leave without it. This either must have been his first time in jail, or he didn’t know that whatever possessions you go to jail with, you are given upon leaving. So he either forgot he did not have a wallet, or he lost the one he had before he was arrested. Nonetheless, not necessarily something worth adding crimes to your record for, or spending more time in jail for that matter.

Did Someone Call The Fashion Police

(January 2012) Question of the day here. If you’re accused of selling crack cocaine, what should you show up to court wearing when you have your trial? The answer, surprisingly, is a sweatshirt with a recipe to cook crack covering it entirely.

A Florida man did just that, showing up to court wearing a sweatshirt that had a cartoon depiction of the process of cooking crack. The judge had a few words to say about it, but not much in the end. The man was found not guilty of his charges, and the sweatshirt was not mentioned again.

I’m Gonna Get Mine

(December 2012) When 34-year-old Scott Pipher pays for something, he makes sure he gets his money’s worth. Which is why after a local prostitute supposedly shorted him, he decided to call the police to inform them of her less ethical business morals and practices.

Mr. Pipher called the police and told them that a prostitute had failed to give him what he paid for, and that another 10 minutes was owed. The police listened, took notes, and promptly arrested the man for engaging a prostitute. They then also hunted down the supposed prostitutes and arrested them as well. Just goes to show, you don’t always get what you pay for.

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•  License: Royalty Free or iStock source: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/521989

The author of this article is Damien S. Wilhelmi. If you enjoyed this piece, you can follow me on Twitter @FacePalmLaw. The law can be tricky to understand at times, so it’s best to have a Boulder Attorney to advise you. 

New Year is a social conundrum for even the most regular of folks. There is always the lure of would-be fantastical parties, paying extortionate amounts to get into your local and staying in with your cohabiter avoiding the whole celebratory scrum of such events.

Imagine then the conflicts and choices available to the A-Lister? It’s got to be pretty hectic, right? It is for many, especially the performing stars, not just a chance for some elite partying, it’s also a fine chance to go to work. Decisions, decisions…

Obviously what Kim actually does is still up for discussion, other than allow either a camera crew or Kanye West to follow her around depending on her needs at any moment in time. However you can’t knock her ‘industry’ when it came to celebrating New Year 2012. She combined business and pleasure by hanging out at Vegas hotspot Tao. Reportedly for merely attending their celebrations she earned $600,000!

At the other end of the spectrum there is the Gaga. Whatever you might think of her there is no denying her willingness to put in a shift and deliver entertainment of the highest and most bonkers order. This is exactly what she did last year by playing the premier New Year gig on the globe, Times Square New York. The show was a spectacular of music, dancing and off-the-wall style that climaxed with her activating the famous ball drop. It’s worth mentioning she was also backed by some friends including Justin Bieber… not a bad guest list then…

It’s always a good chance to take a break over the New Year and that’s exactly what Kate Hudson did choosing to hit the slopes in Aspen. She wasn’t the only superstar there either, with Heidi Klum and Seal seen ‘snow-plowing’ away merrily. And if the holiday sounds like a plan, but you’re more a sun, sea and sand type you’re not dissimilar to Elle MacPherson who was spotted surfing in Byron Bay or Mischa Barton who tried some jet skiing in Miami.

They weren’t the only ones to enjoy the sun either. President Barack Obama and wife Michelle took their annual trip to Hawaii aboard Air Force One. Alright for some isn’t it?

It’s all about the hosting though for the celebrity with an address book that reads like a who’s who of Hollywood heroes. Why attend a party when you can throw your own? Nobody does it better than P. Diddy who took on the role of Master of Ceremonies at CIROC The New Year 2012. The most notable amongst a swarm of high profile attendees was Rihanna, who flew from Barbados to be there and caused quite a stir with her sheer dress and in particular the nipple piercing that was clearly on show. Now that’s how to ‘ring’ in the New Year.

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•  License: Creative Commons image source
•  License: Creative Commons image source
•  License: Creative Commons image source
•  License: Creative Commons image source

Alan Phillips is looking forward to New Year. Unfortunately there won’t be any celebrities at his party, but the Find Me A Gift team will be there, surrounded by the novelty gifts they love so much.

Guest Post by Lovereading – Helping to find your next book.

Any list like this is bound to cause controversy as the criteria for what makes a work of literature good is subjective and based on the reader’s personal taste. These lists are good; however, as in their very nature they draw people’s attention to great works of art and hopefully introduce some new readers to books they weren’t previously aware of.  Here then is a very small and subjective selection of some of the best books ever written.

The Sheltering Sky by Paul Bowles: An incredible and very strange book that was originally rejected by publishers. Informed by Bowles’ own life and experiences of having lived a large part of his life in Morocco, this unusual tale of expats crashing up against a combination of the heat and the bewildering culture of North Africa is written in simple yet beautifully unadorned prose. The final section’s detailed description of Kit’s downfall in the dessert is unbelievably chilling and simply breath-taking.

Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller: One of the greatest cult favorites of all time which also happens to be one of the greatest books of all time. A tour de force of writing that makes a novel with no discernible plot into a wild ride that you never want to stop. From the strange incident with one of Ghandi’s followers in a house of ill-repute to the bed bugs that crawl over him as he sleeps on a mattress on the floor of a friend’s apartment, this tale of a man’s penniless but fearless journey through Paris is a testament to all that can be good about life, even when you have nothing.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo Nest by Ken Kesey: The story of the charismatic Randle McMurphy and his attempts to breathe some life into the mental institution. The fact that Randle is not insane but simply faking in order to avoid prison make his ultimate all the more poignant, but it is Kesey’s analogy of life itself as something stifled by an overpowering and unjust system that is the most thought provoking and sad message of the book.

The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde: Written by a man whose own flamboyance and personality seem to obscure the incredibly quality of his work. The Picture of Dorian Grey is often marketed as a gothic-horror-esque novel and this is a reflection the horror, encoded here, that Wilde was forced to live throughout his life due to his sexuality. This is not a book that needs to be read with any reference to its author though as it is simply a brilliant read.

The Big Sleep by Raymond Chandler: Under-appreciated during his lifetime and certainly not the subject of too many revision books, Chandler’s work is now recognized as much more than simply pulp-fiction. The English born crime fiction writer took to the genre to new levels, particularly with his tales involving Philip Marlowe. Despite all of the brilliant shifts in plot and the sheer un-put-down-ability of this book, it is the way in which Chandler exposes the human heart in all its base ugliness that is truly the mark of greatness that characterizes this incredible piece of work.

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•  License: Creative Commons image source

 

During the holidays, you start belting out some of your favorite Christmas songs when they come on the radio. You sing all the lyrics, and you may even perform some of the instrumental parts, but you probably don’t think about the history or story behind these songs.

That’s about to change. Here are some fun facts about a few of your favorite Christmas songs.

All I Want For Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)

Donald Gardner and his wife had a baby in 1944, and while she was resting, he took over her 2nd grade class. He was asked to write and perform a song for the Christmas program, and to get inspiration, he asked the class what they wanted for Christmas. While they were telling him what they wanted, he noticed that out of the 22 kids, 16 of them were missing their two front teeth. The song was performed and the crowd loved it.

Blue Christmas

Blue Christmas was originally recorded in 1950 by Ernest Tubb. In 1957, Elvis Presley recorded the song, but it didn’t debut as a single until 1964. The first time that Elvis performed the song live occurred in 1968.

Deck the Halls

Deck the Halls is a popular Christmas song used on television for two major reasons: it doesn’t have any religious ties and it is royalty free.

Dominick the Donkey

Dominick the Donkey was written and performed back in 1960. While it gained popularity in Italy and America, it didn’t gain much visibility in the UK. Chris Moyles, a DJ in the UK, started playing the song more regularly and told his listeners that they could download it on both Amazon and iTunes. Because of this, Dominick the Donkey made it to the charts in the UK for the first time in 2011, 51 years after its debut.

Here Comes Santa Claus

Gene Autry was in the annual Hollywood Boulevard Christmas Parade and was on a horse and carriage a few floats ahead of Santa. During the parade, Autry noticed that none of the children seemed to care about any of the upcoming floats except for Santa and noticed that they were yelling, “Here comes Santa Claus”. The song was written shortly thereafter.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

This song was first recorded by Jimmy Boyd. He was only 13 years old at the time.

Jingle Bell Rock

Jingle Bell Rock was first recorded by Bobby Helms and is considered the first “rock and roll” Christmas song ever made.

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree

This song was first recorded by Brenda Lee when she was 13 years old. The song was recorded in July, so the producer put the air conditioning on blast and even bought and decorated a Christmas tree to put Brenda in the holiday spirit.

You’re a Mean One (Mr. Grinch)

This song was written by Dr. Seuss but was recorded by Thurl Ravenscroft, who was also the voice of Kellogg’s Tony the Tiger. The song appears three times in the movie, How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Clara Christen is selecting her top 5 Christmas songbooks for guitar. Join her in her quest by visiting Guitar Place.

It’s that time of year again. Here in Utah, we’re getting hit with sporadic snowstorms. Christmas lights are shining around the neighborhood and my family is consuming hot chocolate frequently to “warm up”. There are many traditions people have for Christmas. One popular thing is to sit down as a family and watch Christmas-themed movies.

I have a big list of movies that I like to see around this time of year, but in the interest of time (mine as well as yours), I’m keeping this to a top ten. So, my personal favorite list of Christmas movies:

1:White Christmas. I’ve watched this movie every year since I can remember. Danny Kaye remains hilarious and the musical numbers are still entertaining. Who could ever forget Danny Kaye and Bing Crosby impersonating the Haines sisters with their Sisters song. Even Bing couldn’t help but laugh during that one!

2:Scrooged. Bill Murray playing a Scrooge-like character is awesome. Yes, the movie screams 80’s, but I still love to see it every year. It’s a fun twist on a classic tale.

3:Miracle on 34th Street. I grew up on the original, but love the remake as well. I try to watch both versions each year. This movie has reaffirmed the existence of Santa to my five year old. My nephew tried to convince my son that Santa wasn’t real, and my boy kept telling him to watch this movie. “It proves Santa is real!”

4:A Christmas Story. What is it about this movie? I mean, it really doesn’t have much of a plot, but I love it! I love the character dynamics and the cheesy lines. “Frag-il-e. It must be Italian!” “Honey, I think it says fragile.” (Come on, you know the part I’m talking about!)

5:National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. What can I say? I like the comedies. Again, this is a movie I grew up on. It brings nostalgia to me as well as laughter.

6:Muppet’s Christmas Carol. I like classical movies as much as anyone else. But do we really need to see another version of a Christmas Carol after watching this one? It’s great! And I was able to introduce this story to my kids at a young age because of this movie.

7:Elf. I think this is one that my kids will watch every year until they die. It’s silly, fun, and has a good moral.

8:It’s a Wonderful Life. Were you waiting for me to mention this one? I know I would be cast into the deepest pits in hell if I didn’t. This movie is not only popular, it’s become a Christmas icon. Enough said.

9:The Bishop’s Wife. Again, a movie I’ve watched since I was a toddler. It’s more serious, but still entertaining. I do like the remake version as well, but tend to watch this original version more often.

10:How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Another classic that is fun for the whole family. Note: I also liked The Grinch, but it didn’t make the top ten list. The original animated version is what I enjoy more.

Honorable mention: Arthur Christmas. Obviously, I haven’t watched this every year since it recently came out, but we’re definitely planning to add it to our list. I thought it was witty and engaging, and my children loved it. Maybe Santa will give it to us for Christmas this year. 😉

So what do you think of my list? Have I missed one that you think should be on here? If so, what movie would it replace? What order would you put it in? I’d love to hear what movies are dear to your heart during Christmas.